The end of the world, martyrs, and work tomorrow.

It's 11:53 at night. Normally, you might think that I had stayed up late and was posting before I went to bed. Nope.

I was up early yesterday morning (4-ish) to go work out and then get to work early as I had two hearings at 8:30 a.m.

I worked all day and finished my day up with a new client meeting. We had to go over documents and put together responses to a petition and an OSC.

Meeting with a new client can be draining, especially when we are going over all the new details of the case and drafting all the initial pertinent documents. It feels like I ran a mental marathon. In fact, earlier in the day I heard Tom on the phone, about to schedule a second "new client" appointment for another similar case that had similar issues, and I ran into his office and mouthed, "No!" and shook my head wildly. So he set that one for Friday, instead. No way could I do two, back to back.

I went home at 6 p.m. because I was fatigued. I knew I would be worthless at work. I wouldn't get anything done and I'd probably just waste time screwing around on my computer.

I took a half of a melatonin and fell asleep on the couch by 8:00. Tom woke me up and we went to bed.

I was awake by 11:00 p.m. For a little while I thought it was 1:00 a.m. I was going to lie in bed for another hour and wait for Tom to wake up. We had agreed we would get up at 2:00 a.m. to go back to work. (We're not work-a-holics. We do this for fun.)

I laid there for a little while having scary thoughts about the end of the world. I have made the stupid choice the last 2 nights in a row of watching T.V. shows that are about the end of the world. One of them was about what would happen to our planet if everyone was suddenly gone. The other was about how the world is supposed to end on December 21, 2012.

When I was a little girl, I used to read stories about saints, and what happened to them to cause them to become saints. The book was called "Sixty Saints for Girls" and each story was about what each saint had done on earth that was good, and then how that saint was tortured and killed for having a belief in God.

Looking back, I wonder why my Grandma would give me such a book when I was only about 8 or 9 years old. Was it the title of the book? Did she think that the title must mean that it must be a nice, religious book to give to a small child for purposes of edification? I honestly doubt, now, that anyone read it to see what it was about.

Think about it: How could the title "Sixty Saints for Girls" be bad??

Well, I used to go to sleep every night scared to death, sure I was going to have to die for God like the saints did, by being tortured by being lit on fire, or having my tongue cut out, or something similar. I would get this cold icy fear in my stomach whenever I would read that book.

But of course I kept reading it. Back then, I could probably tell you each story by heart. I couldn't help but keep reading it, no matter how much it scared me. I must have read that book 3 or 4 times.

When I awoke at 11:00 tonight, still thinking it was 1:00 a.m., I rolled back and forth for a while. I would be thinking of something I had to do, and all of a sudden 2012 would pop into my mind. It was like being stuck with a hot poker. Every time the thought would pop into my mind, I would mentally jerk back and change my position, trying to escape the thoughts of possibly having to martyr myself for God after all.



After what felt like a long while, I looked at the clock and saw that it was only 11:20 p.m. Well, there was no way I was going to continue to lay in bed trying to fall asleep with thoughts of Armaggedon running through my mind. Not for another hour and a half.

So here I am, back at the office, getting ready to draft a complaint that I need to have with me at a mediation in L.A. at 4:00 p.m. I have a hearing in Riverside at 8:30, so it will be difficult to draft it during the morning hours. I probably won't get back from Riverside until 11:00 a.m., and I don't want to wait until the last minute. One would probably consider "this" the last minute, as I have known about this complaint for several months, but at least I'm not trying to draft it as I am running out the door.