The Neighbor Cat

This morning, as I left my apartment, I walked out to find this... this... creature waiting for me.



Okay, so she's not a creature. She's a neighbor cat. The one we call Mercedes Number Two, because, well... she looks like Mercedes. Except fatter.

This neighbor cat is usually not so friendly or talkative, but this morning, as soon as I walked outside, we were BFFs and she wanted to tell me all about it. (BFF = Best Friends Forever. Geez.)

She would not stop meowing. I started talking back and then I told myself to shut the F up, you're talking to a cat, for crying out loud! She followed me all the way to my car, winding her fat little body between my legs. I think she was trying to trip me.

I couldn't stand around and chat forever. I had places to go! I had to say goodbye.

She was waiting for me when I got home.



I was beginning to think it was a fatal attraction.

And then I remembered that she's a cat and I'm a turd and I knew it could not be a fatal attraction after all. Pity. I think she just wanted me to follow her.



So I did.



She led me over to another apartment. I think it was hers. She was getting really loud and disorderly at this point.



Told you. If she had been a black cat, I probably would have backed away slowly at this point, 'cause that just would've been creepy. (Did that just come across racist?)


"All right. I'm sitting nicely and I'm not a black cat. Please just let me in and I won't freak you out anymore. I thought we were BFFs?!"


"It's right there! Can't you see it? The door. Right there. Just open it and all will be right with the world."


"Come on, Stupid. I'll show you."


"I'm going to keep staring at you with this sad little face until you cave in and help me. I hope you're prepared to deal with it. You humans, you're all suckers."


Close up for effect.

Unfortunately, even though that pathetic face was convincing, it was at this point I started to get bored and her meows were getting just a bit out of control. Hey, I would have helped her if I could! I'm not completely heartless. Not when it comes to small animals, anyway. When it becomes legal to randomly wander into people's homes, I will gladly help all the locked out kitties of the world. Until then... I have laundry to do.