I steal. Accidentally.

Incident One
Date: Some day between 2001 - 2003
Store: Beverly's Fabrics and Crafts

I stole a white, plastic craft carrying case that was valued at $17.99. It was not the only thing I was purchasing at the time and, as my final bill was quite high, it didn't register right away that something may have been overlooked.

As I walked out to my car, I happened to look at the receipt. Since the carrying case was the most expensive item I had picked out that day, it wasn't hard to realize it was missing. Being the good, honest, God-fearing person I am, I immediately turned around to go pay for the item. Except the line at the only open register had grown to ginormous proportions and I had places to go.

I am a terrible person.

Incident Two
Date: Some day between 2005 - 2006
Store: Albertsons

Grocery shopping. It's one of my favorite things to do. On this particular night, I had decided to treat myself to ice cream. Neapolitan looked real good. I had to have it. I went through one of the self check-out lines and was on my way.

As I was putting the bags in the trunk of my car, I noticed the ice cream was missing. (You really think I wouldn't notice? We're talking ice cream here, people!) I searched through all the bags. Nothing. I remembered having placed the carton of ice cream on top of a shelf while I was bagging my other items. I must have left it behind.

I went back into the grocery store to see if it was still sitting there. It wasn't. I told the nearest clerk what had happened and they very kindly said to just grab another. Awesome. On my way I went. It was as I was putting the groceries away in the fridge that I found the missing Neapolitan.

Again, I'm a terrible person.

Incident Three
Date: November 2007
Store: Target

My favorite store. I would never intentionally steal anything from Target. Not that I would ever intentionally steal anything, but... I think you know what I mean.

I specifically remember this trip to Target because I buckled under pressure and bought a bucket of discounted Halloween candy for my brother which I later binged on. (It's no wonder it took me a year to lose the weight!) My items included the Halloween candy, a box of Whoppers (it should've taken two years!), Zebra cakes for Hubs, and a case of bottled water.

Whenever I have heavy items like water or cat litter in my cart, I always turn them so the barcode is easily accessible to the cashier. See what a good and decent person I am? This particular night was no exception. I had the water in the right spot, wheeled the cart directly in front of the cashier so they wouldn't be forced to maneuver in any odd positions and proceeded to pay for my purchases.

The girl looked directly at the water! I remember this. I assumed she scanned it. I cannot be held responsible for people's mistakes!

It was as I was walking out to my car that I noticed she had not scanned the water. And after everything I did to make it easy on her! I was too tired and too frustrated to go back in and pay. But karma's a bitch.

When I got home I realized that not only had I not paid for the water, but I had left without one of my bags as well. The Zebra cakes and Whoppers were left behind. This is why the bucket of Halloween candy had to be broken into. There were Whoppers in there! I couldn't resist! (I was going through an intense and painful Whopper faze at this time.)

Later, I tried to pay for the water. Standing in line during my next trip to Target, I informed the cashier about the overlooked water and asked him to charge me for it. He said no. He said it was a mistake, don't worry about it, get out. Fine. At least I tried. This time I am not such a terrible person.

Incident Four
Date: February 17, 2008
Store: Sports Authority

We really ought to have done something. This just goes to prove that, not only am I a terrible person, but I married one as well.

Hubs and I went to Sports Authority to buy some random athletic items (go figure). When we got to the register, I expected the total to be $25 more than it was. We both looked at each other, knowing immediately that something hadn't been scanned.

The cashier looked at us as she bagged our smaller items and asked if we'd like the backpack in a bag. "No, thank you," we said. Hubs grabbed the bags and we both walked out. Sure enough, the backpack had not been paid for.

I said, "We should go back in and pay for it." We continued towards the car.

I said, "You know this means we're stealing, right?" We got in the car.

I said, "Karma's a bitch." We drove away.


I'm a thief and I'm sorry. I will try very hard in the future to not accidentally steal things.