Ramblings of an older woman thinking about American Idol

When I was a young girl, let's say 12 or 13 years old, I remember looking at a guy who appeared to be older then me and thinking, "Would he be interested in me?"

As the years passed, it wasn't much of a thought any more as I went in and out of relationships. I didn't think any more about whether someone would be interested in me. As an adult woman who was attractive, I found my share of relationships.

But I was watching American Idol last night and the last contestant was David Cook. I haven't cared too much for him up until now, the "now" being the night of March 25, 2008. I thought his performance was amazing.

Looking at his performance caused me to think about how he appealed to me. His performance was sexy, sensual, and charismatic. And even though I am not interested in finding someone, I thought, for a second, how in the past I have been interested in someone who didn't even know I was alive, such as when I was 12 or 13.

And as circles do, they come back to encompass the initial thought process.

I am older, now, and I see a guy like David Cook, and I think, "Would he be interested in me?"

These are odd thoughts of a woman approaching 50, I admit. And it's not even that I am looking. I am happily married and I wouldn't be interested in being with someone younger than myself, for various reasons.

I wonder if it's a question that women my age ask themselves, as they age. Am I attractive to anyone besides my husband, who is supposed to love me and find me attractive? Would anyone know I was alive?