Court today...when does respect come in?

I had court today and I was up against an attorney whom I had never been up against before. That sounds a little ominous, as if it's going to turn out that he ate me for lunch, or I kicked his butt, or something.

It's really interesting how these hearings go when you are up against an unknown opponent. It's a small world in the family law court. You frequently run into into an attorney you have been up against on a prior case, if you practice in family law long enough.

If you are up against someone you have been up against before, you know their modus operandi, whether they are tough or a push-over, whether they are just in it for the money or if they are in it to protect their client's position at all costs.

So this was the typical operating procedure (I am learning based on the experience I have had of being in this situation) for when I am in court for the first time against an attorney who has been practicing for a while in family law who doesn't know me:

When the attorney arrived, he went to talk to his client. Even though I had spoken to him by phone, we hadn't met in person yet. I had seen his client before, so when I saw her, I approached and asked if her attorney would be appearing this morning, and she said yes. I went to a different area to wait for him.

When he showed up a short time later and went to talk to her, I went up to him to let him know I was there and asked if I could talk to him when he would be ready.

Now, what I am explaining sounds really mundane. "I went up to him to let him know I was there and asked if I could talk to him when he would be ready." How boring. Except that this is all part of the "game."

When I asked if I could speak to him when he was ready, obviously implying that I could perceive that he was talking to his client and wasn't ready at that very moment, he said, "I'll be with you shortly." Except keep in mind that even though that that is a very mundane statement, it is said in a tone of voice meant to show his client that he can tell opposing counsel that he doesn't have time right then, please go wait somewhere else, and when he's ready, he'll talk to me. This is such a game. :)

I wasn't ready to do battle yet, because I just wanted to settle the case, so I said, "No problem. I'll be right over there."

When he came to talk to me, he started playing "the Word Game." The Word Game works like this:

"I know we're not trying to get rich off this case, so let's see if we can get this resolved."

"I never try to get rich off my clients' cases."

"Well, what I mean is, let's see if we can resolve this without causing our clients to run up too much money in attorney's fees and costs."

"I only charge my client for what I do."

It is designed to put the other person in his/her place, or me in my place in this case. Many attorneys say things like this, and we laugh and agree with each other and try to get the case worked out.

But with the "word" game, every statement made is subject to attack or being twisted because the other attorney is trying to find a position of power, I believe. I don't play. I usually tell the other attorney that I am not going to play the word game, and from now on, to put everything in writing.

So I did finally tell the attorney that I wasn't going to talk to him any more, and I left him. He was really irritating.

After the initial conversation, we went into court for the hearing and the judge told us to go out in the hall to see if we could work out a settlement. The attorney was really nice and polite and helpful this time!

Before we went out in the hall the second time, my client told me that the first attorney came out and spoke to another second attorney to whom I had said hello because I was on another case with him. The first attorney had seen me say hello to the second attorney.

My client said that the first attorney approached the second attorney and asked what I was like as an attorney, and the second attorney said that I wasn't a push-over or a "lay down." (I'm glad my client heard that, lol!) So it's interesting that after that, the first attorney was really nice and we worked out the case.

I think attorneys do that to try to get the upperhand. I think there are weaker attorneys who will lay down in the face of strong opposition. I don't lay down. But I do get pissed of, and rather than say something I might regret, I tell them to put it in writing because I will most likely say something rude that will be used against me in court. :)